jeez

So right now I am babysitting (well using their laptop to lurk the internet while the two boys watch tv and the baby is asleep). I feel oddly discontent right now, but this is a familiar feeling. I feel like I'm losing drive in certain areas and it's sad. I wish I could enjoy every second of summer and just play off of everything even if whatever is happening bores me to tears or is just lame. I feel like I could be doing so, but it's hard to when I just want to be somewhere else. It's funny how people make such short spans of time so completely unbearable. I could just be making the best of things, but I can't get certain thoughts off my mind. I worry too much, I stress out about the worst things, and I just can't stand taking things one day at a time. It worries me when things aren't definite. This is going to drive me completely crazy when I'm done with school and am "ready" to take on the world. I strive for reassurance and will pester people to get it. With school, my jobs (current and past), my friends, and even family. Why can't I chill out? I envy people that can just say screw it and let things be. This is a time where I should be my happiest. Great things have happened this summer alone and I just need to focus on these happenings and just make the best out of right now.